Hope

Today is a good day.  For one of the first times, since our loss, I feel hopeful.  Not to say I don’t miss our baby bean like crazy-because I do.  But I have a restored hope (however temporary that may be), and it feels good.

Maybe its because of a dream I had last night.  In my dream we had twins.  I’m not sure exactly how we became parents, but I remember it was not in a conventional way-but we had our babies.  In my dream I held them, and fed them, and marvelled at how perfect they were.  I felt like a parent.  Then I had to wake up.

All day I have had the feeling that we WILL be parents, and the peace that comes with it.  I’m actually looking forward to trying again.  Today I am ready.  I’m not sure exactly how we will get there-I know I have no control over the outcome.  I do have a “potential plan” for our next step, and feel good about our decision.  I’m prepared for it not to work, but I think pursuing this next step will help me close the door on one avenue, and move on to the next.  Xoxo

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