Today is a good day. For one of the first times, since our loss, I feel hopeful. Not to say I don’t miss our baby bean like crazy-because I do. But I have a restored hope (however temporary that may be), and it feels good.
Maybe its because of a dream I had last night. In my dream we had twins. I’m not sure exactly how we became parents, but I remember it was not in a conventional way-but we had our babies. In my dream I held them, and fed them, and marvelled at how perfect they were. I felt like a parent. Then I had to wake up.
All day I have had the feeling that we WILL be parents, and the peace that comes with it. I’m actually looking forward to trying again. Today I am ready. I’m not sure exactly how we will get there-I know I have no control over the outcome. I do have a “potential plan” for our next step, and feel good about our decision. I’m prepared for it not to work, but I think pursuing this next step will help me close the door on one avenue, and move on to the next. Xoxo