Moving on Up?

Since July, we have been going through the short sell process-trying to sell our home.  We are underwater by half of its value-so it will take a VERY.LONG.TIME in order for the value to come back to a place where we can sell our house, without writing a huge check.

After we lost our last pregnancy, we felt like the time was right and we needed a change.  We didn’t have anything to lose-and were fully prepared for the short sale not to go through.  We don’t have problems paying our mortgage, but would love to move to a different neighborhood and have a backyar.  We figured that with all our thousands (it hurts just to write that out!) of dollars in medical bills-we actually have a persuasive case to make. So we listed the house, got an offer, and submitted it to the bank.

We received a notice yesterday that our primary mortgage holder has approved the short sale!  Now all we have to do is get the second mortgage lender to agree to the terms as well-so this might actually happen!

Of course-because it is my life we’re talking about-if this actually goes through, we will be packing our things in storage and moving in with my parents (just until we find a new house) at the EXACT same time as our egg retrieval and transfer-nothing like having a few things on your plate!

I’m trying to take it day by day and not stress out.  Right now, emotionally I am going from being excited to feeling completely overwhelmed!  I’m just praying some how all this craziness works out.  How amazing would it be to be both pregnant and in a new home in November.  A girl can dream, right?

Paid in Full

We are one step closer-I called to pay the balance on our IVF cycle-so we’re ready to get started!  This Friday we will start the estrogen priming portion with Vivelle patches, and Saturday will add in Ganirelex.  Sometime next week AF should show, we’ll have a baseline appointment and stims will start after that.

I am blessed that my parents are giving us money to go towards this cycle, and double blessed that our clinic is giving us a scholarship!  It makes signing that credit card receipt a little easier.  In fact, it was this perfect alignment of circumstances that gave us the push we needed to go ahead with this IVF.  Not only will my egg reserve never be as good as it is now (since its declining), but we will never have the ability to do an IVF cycle this inexpensively.  I hate that finances come into play when decided whether or not to pursue ART, but it does.  And that is just reality.

For the moment I am excited to get started, and hopeful.  For the last couple of months I knew we’d be doing another IVF cycle-but now that we are really about to get started I feel good about it, and I’m not filled with as much dread.  I know there is a chance we could get cancelled, and I know there is a 50/50 chance that it won’t work-but there is also a good chance it will.  So, for now, I’m going to stay prepared for the worst, but push that to the back of my mind-and focus on the positivity I’m feeling.  I know from experience that there is a difference b/t being realistic and pessimistic.  Even if I’m pessimistic, it doesn’t make failure hurt any less-but it does make going through the process harder.

God give me strength this next month, to go through this IVF cycle, and to be strong enough to deal with the results-whatever they may be.

Baby Boy….

We received the results of our genetic testing on the baby we lost in June (finally).  It was an abnormal fetus.  It had trisomies of chromosome 18,21 and 22 (I didn’t know you could even have multiple trisomies).  And it was a boy.  I shed a few tears learning the sex of the baby.  Finding out made the loss a little more tangible and “real”.  When I was pregnant I felt like I was carrying a baby girl-so on some level, finding out it was a boy might have been a little easier.

I knew going into the testing that chances were in favor of it being an abnormal embryo-with all the testing I’ve had done, the likelihood of there being another problem was slim.  A part of me had hoped that it was a normal embryo.  That I COULD produce a normal embryo.  But it wasn’t.  The positive of this is that I don’t need to be on blood thinners if I ever get pregnant-my body’s failure is not keeping a pregnancy-but producing a viable embryo.  The flip side is that my eggs are to blame.

This information does help make the next step (if this IVF doesn’t work) clearer.  If after another IVF we still aren’t pregnant, then we are closing the door on infertility treatments using my own eggs. It will be awhile before we try other avenues, but IVF with my own eggs will be off the table.

We miss you baby boy bean…..

The Bi@ch is Back…CD 1

So, as I expected (I’ve already POAS several times, hoping for another miracle) AF has made her appearance.

Off we go!  At the end of this cycle month (the last 3 days) we will start the estrogen priming portion of this IVF cycle’s protocol.  After I get my next period we’ll have a baseline and start stims.  It still doesn’t feel real.  We were geared up to start this and May and didn’t, so its hard to believe this time we will.  I know that the chance of having a second miracle is slim to none, so I’m trying to get myself psyched up and excited for this next round!

This next month I’m going to concentrate on me-and doing things that make me healthy and happy.  I’m taking a one month Pure Barre class-its strength training using small movements and ballet barre.  I’ll keep going bi monthly for acupuncture, I’m going to keep alcohol drinking in check-not because I think it will impact my IVF cycle, but because I know it can impact me negatively-both overall health and mentally speaking.  I’m going to try and cram in a whole bunch of fun-hopefully a concert and football game or two.  This is my prep time-do to me and get ready! (or not)


It’s that time of year when I’m sick of summer and praying for fall to come.  And the best part of the season change-wardrobe change!  This year I’m a little early-but retail therapy works for me.  My current obession? Finding the perfect pair of boots.  As I’ve gotten older I’ve grown allergic to malls, so most of my shopping is done online-and shopping for boots without trying them on has proven to be harder than expected.  Here is what I’m coveting right now.  Decisions, Decisions

These are from Victoria’s Secret-I live how they are a mix between riding boots and cowboy boots.

These are Chinese Laundry-They are a pretty good price and look like they would be great everday boots….

Surprisingly, these are from Target and are 100% leather.

Any  suggestions?