Expectations

It is slightly amazing to me how many times I have had to alter my expectations-especially in our IF journey.

If you would have asked me 3 years ago, what I expected, it would be that by now, I would have a 1 or 2 year old.  That we soon would be trying for our second, and deciding between having 2 or 3 children.  End of story.

Obviously that is not the case, and after every setback, and every hurdle we’ve cleared, I’ve had to adjust my expectations.

Before I ever knew that we would be dealing with IF, I had to adjust my expectations on when we would have children.  After our first miscarriage and trying again, I adjusted when I thought that baby might enter our lives.  After seeing an RE and discovering we were dealing with IF I had to adjust my expectations that we would get pregnant naturally.  After we moved onto IVF I had to accept that it would take something more expensive and invasive than I ever thought.  During my first IVF cycle I had to change my expectation that because I was young, I would make plenty of eggs, and decide to be grateful for the few I did produce.

This cycle is no different.  At the beginning I had over 10 antral follicles-just waiting to grow into eggs.  I let myself dream that I might make a “normal” number of eggs.  After my first two monitoring appointments-when only 3 eggs were maturing, I quickly changed that expectation.  I decided any number of eggs, enough to make it to retrieval, would make me happy.  Lo and behold, today I have 6 follicles that we expect to retrieve.  And I’m ecstatic!

This morning I had 3 follicles on each side, ranging between 11 and 15mm.  Our RE expects us to trigger on Sunday, for an egg retrieval on Tuesday.  Thank goodness we are getting closer.

You would think after all that we’ve been through and all the set backs we’ve had to overcome, I would have learned not to set expectations – and that what will be, will be.  Clearly, I’m a slow learner.

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2 Comments

  1. Good luck!!! I know this journey is worst roller coaster I’ve ever rode. You get to a point you can’t enjoy good news, because you’re expecting bad news to follow it. I’m pulling for you and hope this cycle works for you and your husband.

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