I’m a lucky girl

While I sit at my desk and work, I get to look up at pictures of my beautiful, amazing kids – and I don’t know how I got to be so lucky.  How are these possibly MY babies?  Not too long ago I was looking up at motivational pictures and phrases, begging me to hang on, not to give up my dream.  At home, in the middle of the chaos, and the diapers, and the tantrums, its easy to forgot to really stop and notice just how beautiful and amazing they are, and how lucky I am.

A photo is a snap shot in time, with out the pressures of living, and sometimes that’s what I need to remind me.  Our life hasn’t been easy, and I don’t expect it to ever be, that just seems to be who we are – and that is something beautiful in that imperfection – And when I have these nuggets to love on, how can I not feel anything less than the luckiest girl in the world.

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Mommy Friends

I made a new mommy friend last night – a very special mommy friend! Out of the 400 or so Pitt Hopkins cases world wide, we just so happen to have another family with a son with PTHS who lives just a few miles from us!
It is crazy how having something like this in common can make you feel instantly bonded. We met for drinks and I’m so happy we did – she is incredibly sweet, and has been dealing with this for longer than me so it was nice to hear her perspective. I’ll be honest, her son seems to be pretty low functioning and that scares me because I have such high hopes for Harper, but even with all their challenges, so seems to hold it together pretty well.
In Nolan news, he has started MMO one morning a week and it seems to be going well. I’m not there, so I don’t know exactly how he feels about it-but he doesn’t cry when we drop off-so that’s good:) My skinny mini is now into the 50-75 percentile for height, but poor kid is still <3% in weight. So, we're working on beefing the boy up-pediasure shakes, extra snacks, ect.
Eric and I are starting a small group tonight through our church – focused on marriage. I figured that will all the kid centered stuff going on in our lives, we needed some time to focus on us, and try something different than the standard date night.
Here are the kids at lunch-I LOURVE that my nanny sends me pics through out the day-its proof for me that they are happy and I'm not totally screwing them up by not staying home with them!
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2014

I have to say that 2013 was the most life altering year I’ve ever had. I felt so many highs and lows, from intense depression to complete and utter joy. It was an incredibly challenging year, but also a year filled with the most contentment and love I’ve ever felt. How could it not be, when adding two beautiful little people into the mix!

Our holidays were great-exhausting, but it was awesome to have the babies with us! I’m excited for years to come when they really can participate! The babies turned 7 months on New Year’s eve-its hard to imagine that these are the same babies born just months ago. Nolan is already like a little man-sitting, grabbing, “talking” and laughing. His personality is already so big! Harper is still the more chill and laid back baby – but she loves her snuggles and loves her mama!

While I can’t wait to see how they grow and change and we are able to “do” more with them, it makes me sad to think about how fast time is passing and how quickly they won’t be my little babies anymore. Since having them, I have become acutely aware of the passage of time-probably because I have the babies as a tangible gauge and reminder.

Here are some pics of the nuggets ❤

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Motorboatin’!

This past weekend was half nice and half same ole stress.

The first half was great-we went on a mini-getaway to Chattanooga.  My husband and I went with 2 others couples and rented a boat to spend the day on.  We ended up getting my red neck dream of a boat!  I double decker with a slide-SWEET!  We had a great day, lucked out on the weather and spent Saturday night out in Chattanooga, which is such a fun little town!

We came back into Atlanta on Sunday-and there was drama to deal with.  The parents are silently arguing about when Pops should have surgury.  My SIL has major issues and they are getting worse, not better.  Between my dad, my husband’s sister and niece, and our upcoming IVF cycle, I’m poised to have a nervous breakdown.  Oh, and did I mention we’re trying to short sell our house?  GAH

Surprisingly at the moment I’m pretty calm about everything.  I’m doing my best to take it one day at time.  There is not much else I can do.  I’ve had several friends tell me that think that I am so strong b/c if they were in my shoes, they’d be crying and upset all the time.  I don’t feel particularily strong-just that I don’t have a choice, but have to continue living my life.

When it rains it pours

I’m beginning to think my family is medically cursed (at least for now).  My father was diagnosed with carcinoid cancer in his liver back in June (the timing couldn’t have been better-I found out 6 days after my D&C).  He had surgery in July to resect his liver, and hopefully solve the problem.

Well, turns out there is more cancer-more than we thought at least. He’s going to have a second surgery to remove part of his small intestine and colon-because the cancer is there to.  Hopefully through surgery it can be treated, and he’ll go on to live a long and healthy life-and be closely monitored for re occurrences, but there are no guarantees.  I’m also having to take the information that is passed along from my parents as fact-which I don’t know how accurate they are.  I’m finding them to be quite the alarmists, as well as slightly martyr like, and its exhausting me!

I am.so.tired.  I can barely find the energy to go through my day-live normally, and take care of my fertility treatments on the side.  I definitely don’t have the energy and/or time to have to take this on as well-my brain can’t handle it all!

I also feel guilty-guilty I can’t 100% be there for my parents, because I have my own crap to take care of and worry about.  Guilty that I’m not worried enough about my dad.  I just have to believe he’s going to be ok and get through this-because mentally I can’t handle thinking that he might not be.

So-if anyone has any extra prayers-if you can send a few Pop’s way-that would be fabulous!