that I’ve ever been! It feels good to be past my last loss milestone.
Today’s ultrasound, at 9w2d went perfectly. Both nuggets are still in there, happily growing away. Both heartbeats are in the high 170’s. I could even see one of the babies legs moving around.
Its strange though-I still feel totally detached. Like, the babies on the ultrasound are definitely babies, but I don’t feel like they are mine. I think it may just be a coping mechanism, a way to protect myself. Most days I’m ok, and the anxiety is in check. One day this week I had a total meltdown-it wasn’t pretty. I broke down and rented a fetal doppler to have at home-and hopefully that can help me when I have freak out moments (and won’t further add to my crazy woman tendencies!) Eric asked if I am just going to walk around with strapped to my stomach!
Hopefully, as time goes on, and I start to show I will feel more confident and start to bond with them. I hope the next month goes by quickly. I can’t wait to be out of the first tri, hopefully feel more sure that these are our take home babies, and start getting some relief from my nausea! I miss wanting food!