9 more days

In 9 days my nuggets will be 1?! How is that even possible?  The last year has been one of the most challenging and most rewarding of my life.  Every day I look at these precious little humans and wonder how they could possibly be mine.  How can I possibly deserve to be their momma?  How can I be the momma they deserve.

Everyday they are more interactive and fun.  At times I miss the newborn tininess, but watching them learn and do new things is so much better.

Harper is in PT for developmental delays.  Her therapist has diagnosed her with low muscle tone-so we are working on building her strength and helping to get her to where she needs to be.  The worry wart in me is concerned that there is more going on than just a muscle tone issue-but we will just have to wait and see-its too early to tell.

Next weekend is their birthday party – I’m trying to strike a balance between doing it up and having it be special and remembering that they are 1 – and have no clue what is going on!

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4 weeks!

The babies were 4 weeks yesterday-in some ways it seems like they have been here forever, and in some it seems like I was still pregnant yesterday.  When I look at these gorgeous, perfect babies, I can’t believe they are mine-I’m still waiting for it to sink in that they are, and I’m their mother.

We are finding a bit of a “routine”, which is nice.  My parents have been great-helping during the day when Eric is at work.  Taking care of two infants is no joke-there is so much to do, and the worst is when they both want to be fed, held, ect and there is only one of me! I can’t stand hearing them cry, especially when there isn’t anything I can do immediately to help them.  Sleep depreviation is tough-I need my sleep and its hard to wake up every 3 hours at night.

They are both doing great though-eating like champs.  We have our 2nd pedi appt on Monday, and I can’t wait to see how much they’ve grown!

1st week home

We’ve made it through week one!  The babies have been home from the NICU since last week-and we’re all still alive so far!  Totally sleep deprived and overwhelmed, but taking it day by day!

I’ll be honest-I thought when people said how hard twins were that they were exaggerating-I thought that since we didn’t know any different it wouldn’t be as hard as you’d expect-I was wrong!

Not only is it physically taxing, but I think its taking me longer/its harder to adjust to my new life than I thought. I have zero time for myself and nothing of what my old life was still exists.  I know it won’t be like this forever-at some point they will be able to go longer between feedings and I will be able to take them places and get out of the house-but for now its a huge adjustment.

I know I am so blessed to have two healthy, perfect babies-and I couldn’t love them more-but its just harder than I expected!

Harper and Nolan’s Birth Story

I promised I would try and post more-the last week has been a blur!  The babies are still in the NICU, but doing great!  We are just working on feeding at this point-they have to be able to take all 8 feedings by bottle in order to come home-we are up to about 6-so hopefully they will be home within the week!

Last Thursday, the 30th, we went for our 34 week ultrasound to check on baby boy’s growth-things hadn’t changed-he was still not growing as he should-so it was decided that we would proceed with the induction the next day.  One thing had changed though-baby girl was now transverse and no longer head down-but my OB was ok with going ahead with the induction, instead of switching to a C section.  Baby girl would be the second baby out, so the hope was that she would flip back to head down, when her brother was out of the way.

Thursday evening we checked into Northside hospital, so that we would be settled, and able to start the induction first thing in the morning.

As soon as we were in our room I was hooked up to monitors to watch the babies’ heart beats.  I’m not totally sure why, maybe because we were monitoring two babies, or maybe because they were small and moved a lot, we kept losing the beat, so the nurses would have to come in and reposition the monitor to find them-it seemed like a nurse was in every 30 minute-it was so annoying and uncomfortable to have to try and lay still.  Finally around midnight they let me take off the monitors to sleep.

At about 4am the next morning the nurse came in to start IV antibiotics.  At 5am the Pitocin was started.  I was having contractions, but nothing super regular or very strong-it felt about the same as the contractions I had been having for weeks at home.

Around 11am the doctor came to check on me and decided that it was probably time to get things moving, so she broke my water.  Almost immediately the contractions intensified-a lot!  Within about 30 minutes I was getting my epidural.  I felt so much better after that-although being totally numb is a very odd feeling!

Around 12:30 the midwife and doctor came in to check my progress-and I was already fully dialated and they could see his head-it was time to push!  I was so nervous-I had no idea what I was supposed to do-but somehow your body just figures it out.  Within about 15 minutes of pushing Nolan Charles was born at 1:08 pm.  He was 3lb12oz and 17 inches and I couldn’t get over how tiny he looked.  They put him on my chest and I just kept saying, “he’s so tiny”, but we was doing great from the start!  He never needed any oxygen or breathing support.  I loved him the second I saw him.   I also couldn’t believe how fast everything had just happened!  Eric went with him to the nursery, while my OB tried to figure out what baby girl was doing.

Baby girl was still high and transverse, so she gave me a choice-I could now do a C-Section to get her out or wait and see if she dropped down, and even if she was breech we could try and deliver her.  I wanted to avoid surgery, so we opted to wait and see if she would move down on her own.

Now the waiting began-almost 4 hours to be exact.  Finally she had moved down enough, and my contractions were picking up again so it was time to push again.  My OB tried to turn her, but it wasn’t happening, so a breech birth it was.  This time I pushed a good bit longer and wasn’t making a ton of progress.  To try and help things my OB broke her water-and it exploded all over her-so in the middle of pushing I was also apologizing for drenching my doctor.

After her water was broken things got a little scary and her heart rate started dropping with each contraction-I pushed as hard and as long as I could and my OB basically grabbed her feet to pull her out.  At 5:27 pm Harper Grace was born.  She weighed 4 lb and 9 oz and 18 inches long.  She needed a little help with breathing and also went to the NICU.

Because I was recovering from labor and delivery, and feeling very shaky and weak, I didn’t see them again until the next day, which was very hard.  Leaving them at the hospital to go home on Sunday was the worst feeling ever.  I understand now why people say that once you have children your heart resides out of your body-and its a horrible feeling to be separated so early on.

We’ve made it through the first week, and although it hasn’t gotten easier leaving them each day-I’m just focusing on the time I get to spend with them and count off each day as one closer to them coming home.

 

 

harper sleeping with hand on her face

harpers first pic

mommy and daddy and nolan for the first time

mommy and harper

nolan after his first bath

nolan's first pic

My Angels are here!

I will post more when I’m a little more settled, but the twins have arrived!
They came on Friday and both were delivered vaginally, although Harper was breech.
Nolan Charles was born first, weighing in at 3lb12oz and Harper Grace followed a few hours later, at 4lb9oz.
Both are in the NICU and doing so well!!! I’m already such a proud mama!

33w2d

I know I normally do a weekly post-but I had to add in the extra 2 days-right now every day counts!

Both babies are still looking good this week-we didn’t check growth, and won’t until next Thursday, but for now they are safe and sound and no need to worry.

Next Thursday we will re-check growth and if baby boy is still growth restricted, we will be proceeding with an induction (not C section!) starting Thursday night-so they will be 34w2d when delivered.

We met with my OB to discuss C section/Induction and vaginal delivery.  She didn’t see any reason not to try vaginal if that is what I preferred-they are both head down, and being tiny, should be easier to deliver than, lets say, a 8lb baby.  B/c they monitor them both so closely, if they start not being able to tolerate labor, ect, then we can switch to a c section, but at least I’ll have a chance of avoiding surgery. So that is great news!

If he’s able to catch up and we don’t induce on Thursday/Friday, then mostly likely labor won’t be too long from now – I’m already 2 cm dialated.  So really, these babies could be here anytime.  I’ve been so scared about them coming to soon, ect, and now I’m just going to choose to try and be excited, however, whenever they are here.  If they come sooner rather than later I am prepared for the NICU, ect, but it does me no good to worry constantly.  At this point-chances are they will be fine-no matter exactly what the future holds.  So even though I feel like crap and I’m trapped on bedrest, I want to try and be positive about the rest of this pregnancy.

 

 

32 Weeks

32

Each week feels like a huge milestone now.  I am huge, my face is still paralyzed from the Bells Palsy, and I just don’t feel very good most days.

We had a growth u/s this week-and baby boy is still lagging-he is growing some, but his abdomen is not, which is a huge cause for concern (I’m honestly not 100% sure why).

The plan as of now is to schedule a C Section for 34 weeks-so roughly two weeks from now.  We will do an u/s and an NST (non stress test) each week until then-and if at our second u/s at 34 weeks things are still the same, we will be proceeding with the C Section.

I think I’m still digesting all of this.  Honestly, I’m glad that there is an end in sight to my misery.  And I am glad that my doctor didn’t decide that they needed to be delivered immediately-so they have a couple of more weeks to cook.  I’m scared for them to be born so early though, and feel responsible.  I am supposed to be nourishing them-and apparently I’m not doing a very good job.

I am just going to keep taking things day by day, appointment by appointment and see what happens.

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